Youth Has No Age

I've never really felt old. And by old I mean mature, responsible, and well, like an adult. For years I've been stuck in-between trying to feel like an adult —or what I thought being an adult was— and feeling young. And I guess I've finally arrived at a breaking point. Well, maybe more like a breakthrough point. 

Everyone says I look younger than my age. In the last year I've been assumed to be 17, 18, and in high school more times than I can count. And I don't think it's just the way I look either. I'd like to think that I have a fun, easygoing personality, and that I tend to get along with people easily. It's easy for me to get personal with people and have a casual, comfortable relationship with them. I've never considered myself to be intimidating, authoritative, or someone that people saw as being the grown up in the room. I like to play, I love to laugh, I think stupid things are funny, I love to image, create, and in a lot of ways, I still feel like a kid. In most ways, actually. But I keep forcing myself to be more like an adult, because I feel like that's the way I should be.

In some ways, I'm right. I have a full-time job, so I should be professional. I'm a full-grown woman (well, I sort of stopped growing in high school but you know what I mean), so I should dress and look like someone who is 25, right? I should have a polished look, head to toe. I should wear the latest styles, actually have a style, and appear to have my life together, right? Because I feel like that's what people who are supposed to be adults do. They don't just wear jeans and boys t-shirts. They don't just let their hair go wild and only wear makeup on some days. They're not goofy and casual. They're not giggly. They don't get frazzled, stressed, or emotional about little things. Right? This is something I struggle with daily!

Later this month I'm turning 25. I know, 25 isn't old in the big picture. But I sort of thought I'd feel older by the time I reached this age. When I turned 20 I thought I would start feeling like a grown up. Every year since I've been waiting for it to hit. And I always thought that by 25 I'd really feel like I had it all together. But I don't! I still feel like the 10 year old girl who spent her days running around the neighborhood making skate videos and playing tackle football on the church lawn. I feel like a kid with a million things going through my head at every minute. So many ideas, so much to wonder about. So many things to write, color, paint, build, and express!

So I'm freaking out. 

Then I rediscovered this quote by Pablo Picasso. And it is EVERYTHING.

Youth has no age. Feeling youthful isn't limited to ages 0-15. You can feel young always. And that's okay. Then I thought of this quote, which is one of my favorites. 

Then I thought of my mom. If you've met my mom, you'd understand. She's younger and full of more life than all of us. She's goofy and silly and she's a grandma! Both my parents are full of life. They're in their 50's and refuse to stop living an exciting life. They're a great example and an inspiration to me. Okay sorry I'm starting to cry so I'll just leave it at that. 

Do I feel like I should be 25? No. Am I totally freaking out about it? Yeah, sorta. But guess what, I'm never gonna stop being a kid. Ever. Because when it comes to aging, there's really nothing we can do about it. But when it comes to growing up, it's in our hands. So yeah, I'll do adult things when I need to, but for as long as I live I'll never ever grow up.